Sunday, January 13, 2013

Call Out Your Name Ch. 04

Here I Stand, I'm Your Man

I started hearing from the college scouts the next morning. Men angrily calling me from all over the country whining over why I had rejected the football scholarship their university offered and demanding to know who I’d signed my Letter of Intent with. There wasn’t any sense in denying the truth; they could find out easily enough. When I told each of them that I’d changed my mind and was going to attend a local community college, they collectively denounced me as a fool who was wasting my talent. I sucked it up and made myself listen to their pleas to reconsider, followed by their insults when I refused. My most pressing concern was that one of them would contact one of my parents and get them on my case but I made it obvious this was my choice.

I was worn out with the bickering by the time Jesse came over later that afternoon. It was disheartening to listen to adults verbally abuse me, especially when remembering that those same men might be the ones I would have to convince to give me a chance in two years when I planned to transfer to a four-year school. I tried to put up a good front so I wouldn’t upset my boyfriend, but he could tell I was distracted as we made love. I guess I got a little tearful as I was calming back down into our afterglow and hoped he wouldn’t notice, but it’s hard to ignore salt water dripping on your neck.

He pulled out from under me, handing me the soft towel we used to keep cum off the sheets so my dad would be less likely to discover we were fucking in my room. He flipped over on his back, still breathing hard. “What’s wrong, Shane?” he asked, his face concerned and drawing me down on his shoulder to rest my head.

I told him about the phone calls. For a moment he didn’t say anything but when he spoke the words sounded scratchy with doubt, and they weren’t what I expected at all.

“Shane, are you sure this is what you want? To give up on all that money when you could be getting a fine university education and do what you love… play football… at the same time?”

“I’m sure,” I said rebelliously, hurt that he kept questioning my decision and didn’t automatically take my side out of loyalty. “In the long run this is best. Full scholarships never cover everything and I don’t know how I would manage. I suppose I could get a grant except that I’m still listed as Whit’s dependent so I look like I’m rolling in money. My parents would never cosign for a loan to pick up the tab for incidentals, and with football I probably couldn’t even work part-time during the first semester.

“If I stay here I’ll be saving two years worth of college fees the scholarship won’t pay for. I can work over the summer, even get a second job if I need to. There will be that much more money in the bank to help me out the last two years of school. Believe me, I have thought of everything.”

Jesse started to reply, and I felt my resolve falter. I couldn’t take his discouragement and I broke down. “Jesse, please try to understand.”

My throat felt clogged with emotion. “Of all the people I’ve discussed this with, you are the last one I thought I’d have to persuade. You're supposed to be on my side. I can’t stand leaving you, okay? I need you. I know that makes me sound like a total wuss, but except for my aunt and uncle you are the only person who loves me. I just can’t do it…”

I felt myself enfolded in his arms and consoled. “Alright. Alright, Blondie. I’m sorry for doubting you.” He stroked my hair and thumbed the tears off my cheeks.

“God, I an be such an ass sometimes,” he said, letting a mouthful of air balloon in his cheeks before blowing it out harshly. “I should be grateful that you’re trying to plan for both our futures so we can stay together and I’m giving you bullshit. I'm sorry I didn't believe in you.”

I calmed down and let his comfort wash over me, giving it right back to him because I hated seeing him loathe himself like that. “Just give me two years, and I will prove I made the right decision. I promise.”

The next night Jesse and I went out to eat, driving into Goleta to check out a place called Habit that allegedly served some of the best hamburgers in the area. Parking was bad so we had to leave Jesse’s Jeep across the street, but the food tasted great, it was inexpensive and there was lots of it.

We were sitting at a small table wedged in back and almost done with our meal when three girls our age passed us, probably on their way to the restroom. I think the only reason I noticed them was that one strongly reminded me the tiny cheerleader from Loara High I had dated when I was living in Rancho Martinez. Except that her hair was a red-brown, not blonde, and cut to her shoulders instead of mid-back, she could have been her sister. She caught my eye and grinned in invitation as she disappeared behind me, and I smiled back.

Jesse was watching me watch her, and I didn’t think anything of it. I certainly wasn’t flirting, just being friendly in my typical fashion. I heard the noisy chatter of the girls approaching our table, and this time they stopped. Olivia, the lookalike, and her friends, Mary and Kimber, were all seniors from Goleta High. I introduced myself and Jesse to them, and as we got to chatting I was surprised to find him scowling at the table. After his dark hello he refused to look at us.

We talked about local news, mostly in teasing comparisons of our high schools, but Jesse didn’t join in. I subtly began to sense what was bugging him. The teens were putting out their best efforts to draw me in with their batting eyelashes, giggles and megawatt smiles. He thought I was attracted to one of them, and he didn’t like them encroaching on what he thought was his. Jesse was jealous and insecure.

He is and forever will be the most important person in my life, and even giving him a second of mistrust killed me. We make fun of each other back and forth a hundred times a day but not in this way. It hurt him to think his boyfriend would try to hit on someone behind his back, or even right in front of him, and I was going to put this to rest immediately. As casually as I could, I covered his hand with mine and began rubbing my thumb in circles over his knuckles. The girls, seeing the gesture, smiled a little less brightly and presently excused themselves.

I tilted towards him and whispered in his ear, “You never, ever have to worry, Baby. I’m yours.” He didn’t look up at me but through his hair I could see how his beaming smile lifted his whole face.

We left with our usual destination in mind— my house where we could cuddle undisturbed which often led to some amazing intimacy. However, tonight my father’s car was in the driveway. As much as I would have liked to relax with Jesse in front of our television and play Xbox games, there was no way I was going to introduce him to Dad. Even if we weren’t lovers, he would suspect the worst and not only humiliate me but drive Jesse out of the house with his homophobic humor. That was precisely the kind of great dad he was.

Instead, Jesse and I went to the ballfield just as the Little League games were ending and parked on the empty t-ball side of the lot. We were both horny and frustrated but we patiently waited for the families to leave and the league officials to close up the snack bar and say goodnight to each other. They didn't even notice us.

Switching to the back seat, we made out for the next hour and sucked each other off twice. It was cramped and rather uncomfortable but so worth it. I loved the taste of Jesse's cum and his sweat, they way they mixed with his Cool Water musk to waft into my sinuses and push every other thought except my lover from my mind. I could play for hours with his dick in my mouth and drive him nearly insane with arousal, taking my own sweet time to satisfy.

After the second time I tucked Jesse neatly away in his jeans and checked the time on my cell phone, surprised to find it was only 10:30. I still had another hour before I was supposed to be in for the night, and neither of us wanted to leave yet. There was a small creek that ran behind the ballfield, feeding a copse of oak trees on either side of a narrow path. Jesse said it was a pretty walk and I was game. We slipped down the hill to find the moon shining through the branches leaving a lacy pattern on the ground that we could easily follow. We held hands crisscrossing the stream several times following the trail, and half an hour later it brought us out at the other end of the parking lot.

We strolled back across the asphalt, drawing up short to find a Sheriff’s patrol car stopped behind Jesse’s silver Cherokee and a deputy in the process of writing out a ticket. He straightened when we came nearer.

“Which one of you owns the Jeep?” he asked, all professional, formal and intimidating.

“I do.” Jesse raised his hand, gulping, and even in the moonlight I could see him shivering. I grabbed his arm.

“Officer,” I explained, taking note of his nametag that said ‘Erickson’. “We weren’t doing anything except taking a walk.”

He gave me a skeptical look that made me feel as if he’d been close by for hours and watched us going down on each other. “Did either of you see the sign posted at the entrance that says the park closes at dusk?”

Exchanging glances, Jesse and I gulped nervously. I never paid much attention to stuff like that, and from his reaction, he hadn’t noticed it any more than I had. We shook our heads and waited.

“You’re just lucky that I saw you go down into the woods,” the cop stated severely. “I could charge you with not only the trespassing but make a criminal mischief case too. We have a lot of problem with graffiti.”

We stared at each other, and Jesse shivered in fear. I pulled him towards me, hoping the cop wasn't one of those prejudiced assholes, and linked my arm around his waist protectively.

Perhaps he took pity on us or didn’t want to deal with the paperwork issues our arrest would cause him, but at this point he tried to look stern and failed. Barely concealing a smile, he closed his book with a sigh.

“See here, kids, this is a public park with posted hours of operation, and it closed three hours ago. There are certain… uh, activities… that are illegal in public. Even inside personal vehicles. Do you get my drift?”

“Yes, sir,” we echoed. Mortified, I hid a gasp of distress that I had been right about the man. I couldn’t look at Jesse but I knew his face was as hot and red as mine. Now we were both trembling.

“I’m going to let you off with a warning for now.” Officer Erickson put his book in his pocket and moved towards his cruiser. “Get a room next time, boys.”

We collapsed into each other’s arms once he left, giggling in relief and embarrassment. “I’ll bet he got an eyeful,” I squeaked.

“You must have given him pointers on the right way to give a blowjob and he’s rushing home to share them with his wife,” he retorted. “He probably doesn’t get nearly enough and that’s why he had to watch us.”

“Perv,” I agreed. “Let’s get out of here.”

It seemed funny on the other side, but we were subdued on the ride to my house. Oh fuck, I could just imagine my father’s face if I’d gotten arrested for public indecency for giving Jesse head in the backseat of his car. There would be no grace whatsoever, and we were both lucky the cop had been in a forgiving mood.

Jesse dropped me off at home with a quick kiss and another nervous giggle. All I wanted was to get inside and go to bed. But, as if the end of my day wasn’t fucked up enough, Dad was waiting up for me.

“I thought I told you that your curfew was 10:30 on school nights,” he growled.

“I don’t have school,” I replied in a sullen voice, wishing I was brave enough to speak my mind and let him have it over how neglected I felt. Had he been paying any kind of attention normal to most parents, he would have realized I was still on spring break. “Calberia High gives us two weeks off. I don’t go back until Monday.”

“Who is that boy you were with?”

So he had seen us in the Jeep. My mouth went dry wondering what he had spotted through the windows. “His name is Jesse Capps. He’s a friend.”

Just a friend I hope for your sake, Shane.”

“Yeah, that’s all,” I fibbed, trying to relax now that he obviously hadn’t seen us kissing. “Don’t worry.”

“Good, because you know how I feel about you sleeping with all your little faggot boyfriends.”

I glared at him mulishly and muttered curses under my breath, hurt by the way he assumed without any basis other than a wish to act ugly. Standing right in front of me, even he couldn't fail to observe my lips moving.

“I didn’t catch that,” he accused, his temper rising. “Do you want to try that again?”

Dad was in typical form tonight. Shown up for not taking the time to notice my school schedule, he had turned it around to try to start a fight with me. I was getting tired of his demeaning attitude because he obviously thought I was some kind of slut.

“Contrary to what you and Mom believe, I don’t sleep with every boy I make friends with,” I stated firmly. “It is possible for us bi guys to have platonic relationships just like you don’t go groping every woman you meet.”

His eyes snapped fire, and I nearly took a step back wondering if he was going to strike me. Instead, he pointed to the hall. “Get the fuck out of my sight and go to your room, Shane. One week’s restriction for mouthing off. No television, no video games and no going out in the evenings.”

I left without a word, knowing that Dad wouldn’t bother to stay home and enforce it. He was such a joke if he thought I was going to do it myself.


On Saturday night I went to Jesse's house. His grandfather was attending some Vets reunion for those who had served in the same company in Vietnam. A few of his military buddies had dropped by that morning to pick him up and drive him to Los Angeles, and he would be gone until Tuesday. Jesse’s mother, given four days off from his care, left to visit her aunt who now lived up in Susanville, and his sister was out with her own friends.

I had spent the day, like all my Saturdays, on the water with my uncle, the crew and his fishing charter. I picked up a pizza, and Jesse let me shower when I arrived, grateful to have the house to ourselves. Yeah, as expected, my dad hadn’t been home one single night since I was ‘grounded’ to make sure I was taking my punishment. Screw him.

I was on my knees behind Jesse, gripping his hips so tightly the fingerprints would probably be visible for days. Taking him hard, I was making the headboard bounce against his bedroom wall, and he was verbally guiding my thrusts through his moans. “There, Blondie, right there… oh god, don’t stop.”

I had no intention of it. Sweat was dripping off my body onto his back as I reached underneath him to grasp his velvety shaft and jack it. He adjusted his stance to give me more room, and the change in angle was perfect. “Jesse, oh fuck, Jesse…”

There was no stopping my orgasm, and I threw back my head and roared as my hips drove into him unrestrained, my cum filling the condom. My hand slid up and down his cock three more times, and with a scream, he was twisting beneath me, spurting between my fingers.

We got cleaned up and were spooned together in afterglow, him planting little kisses on the back of my neck under my hair. “Hey, you know prom is coming up,” he reminded me, running his tongue across a shoulder blade. “I want to take you.”


I didn’t even hesitate with my answer. Strolling into a very public high school dance with Jesse in this tiny burg would be the same thing as announcing I was dating him. I might as well pack my bags and move out of my father’s house right now.

“We don’t have to actually go to the dance together,” he countered softly. “We could meet up and hang out. No dancing, you know, just to say we went to it.”

I started to refuse again. “Just think about it, Shane.” I nodded, if only to change the subject.

We returned to school the following Monday. I was waiting for Jesse after lunch to get his English book out of his locker when I heard him mutter, “Shit.” Looking over his shoulder, I saw him pick up another stalker note from on top of his belongings. He unfolded it, and his gaze hardened in anger. I snatched it out of his hand.

‘Like a thief in the night, fag.’

“This person is beginning to sound really dangerous,” I warned through gritted teeth as I fixed Jesse with a glare. “How long are you going to wait before you give in and admit this is over our heads?”

“Shane, I…”

“Jesse, he’s saying that there’s nothing you can do to stop him and it’s a matter of time before someone beats you to a pulp. I don’t know why you won’t see the physical threat behind the words. You can’t just ignore this and act like it’s nothing.”

“Okay,” he said, trying to smile. I could see he was wavering, and that was a good thing. “I’ll talk to my mother.”

I swallowed and tried to be relieved. At least he was getting an adult involved.

As the daily announcements repeated every morning, the prom was scheduled for May 12. Jesse kept prodding me to make up my mind so we could buy tickets if we were going. He felt I was being obstinate and silly to worry about what others thought of me. However, my caution was never about the other students finding out I was bisexual or me being ashamed to claim Jesse as a boyfriend. Sure, there was a part of me that just wanted to keep my head down due to the threats he was getting, but mostly it was Dad’s aloofness that made me hesitate.

Calberia was the kind of place where everyone knew what everyone else was doing. Small town values, small town gossip. All it would take was one student discussing the prom in front of a parent and my name popping up and linked with Jesse’s, and the next thing I know somebody is informing Dad that his son is acting like a faggot and went to a school dance with another man. It was a headache I didn’t need, especially after getting kicked out by my mother and my father threatening to do the same.

Jesse thought my fears were groundless… until I pointed out that he was just as afraid of his grandfather finding out he was gay as I was worried about my parent. However, all that did was circle back into the discussions over my football scholarship and how I had chosen to stay at home for another two years instead of moving out of Dad’s house. I thought the sequence made a lot of sense… being careful and keeping my nose clean so I’d have a place to live until I could afford to move in with Jesse. He said I was allowing Dad to abuse me by submitting myself to his authority.

Making the decision had the effect of leading me to realize how tenuous my living situation was and decide I should probably do something about it. First thing up was talking to my uncle about getting more hours on the boats after school ended in June.

“So I was thinking,” I told Carl that Saturday as we stood in the cabin of the Tammany Jo where he hovered over some fuel calculations for a client. “Even if you gave me just one more day a week, that’s another twelve hours pay, and along with the weekend, it would be almost full-time work. If necessary I could get a job part-time in town or Santa Barbara to make up the difference. And in the fall I can plan my classes around work.”

Carl’s head whipped around to glance at me sharply. “What about college? I thought you had a scholarship all lined up with one of those big, fancy universities back east.”

Shit. I had completely forgotten that nobody besides Jesse knew I wasn’t going back east… or anywhere. “I turned it down. I’m going to Hope Ranch for two years first.”

“You what?” The loud shout made me jump and silenced the crewmembers on deck. “What in the hell possessed you to turn down a football scholarship to stay here?”

A thought obviously came to mind because I could see his expression shift, and his glower softened. “Did you do this because of Jesse?”

“Not because of him,” I admitted quietly. “For him. I want to go to Hope Ranch for two years and play football. I can go to a university in my junior and senior years leaving enough time for Jesse to get his Associates Degree so he can move with me. It’s ideal.”

Carl threw me a look like I had my head in the clouds and was too immature to know what I wanted, and it made me angry. It seemed that nobody, not even my boyfriend, realized how long and hard I had thought about my decision, but my mind was made up. This was the only way to be together, the best of both worlds. We would obtain the instruction needed for our careers but we’d have each other for love and support too.

“Then answer me this,” my uncle demanded, playing devil’s advocate. “What if you and Jesse break up?” I started to interrupt, and he put his hand up. “No, let me finish. You’re young, Shane. You think you know your mind now, but in a couple of years, it could all be different. Problems pop up that lead to major disagreements. People grow apart. If you two split, you will have wasted your opportunity for nothing.”

“Not for nothing,” I protested vehemently, and I had to check the anger blazing inside of me that he would even think of such a thing. “First of all, Jesse and I aren’t going to split up. Ever. We have never had a fight. We don’t even disagree most of the time. We love each other and want the same things. Second, no matter what, my plans wouldn’t change. It doesn’t mean I can’t go to college somewhere else and play.”

Carl regarded me silently, looking as though he wanted to make another comment and then changed his mind. Shaking his head in what was probably disappointment in me he said he would see if there were additional hours he could find for me over the summer. I nodded my thanks as I bolted out the door to finish my tasks before we sailed.

The new week rolled around and Jesse and I were back at school. Standing in the quad during our fifteen minute nutrition break on Tuesday morning, I noticed a tiny Asian woman in her early twenties looking around uncertainly. I knew she wasn’t a teacher, and she was definitely too old to be a student. I nudged Jesse. “Who is that?”

He turned around and smiled. “Oh, that’s Mi Kyong Park, Kwan’s older sister. I’ll bet he forgot his homework again. She always has to bring it to him.”

Kwan was the kid in our English class who had first given me Jesse’s name. He wasn’t my favorite person in the world but was alright as far as most of the Calberia students went. My biggest strike against Kwan was that he was gay and had a crush on Jesse. I hated watching him giggle and flirt, assuming my boy was single and doing whatever he could think of to attract his attention. Jesse said he was harmless and it would be better to ignore his behavior than get angry, so I tried to let it go. Sometimes, however, it was difficult to overlook and I’d want to tell him that Jesse was mine and keep his poaching hands off him.

Jesse was hailing Mi Kyong and when she noticed him her eyes lit up. Sure enough, Kwan had forgotten his English assignment that was due in 5th period, and Jesse volunteered to give it to him.

As for me, I was paying more attention over the ease in which Mi Kyong was allowed to roam the campus, and I would bet she hadn’t stopped at the office to check in either. Such a thing would never have happened at Sacred Heart or any of the other high schools I could think of. Security here in Calberia was very lax, and it highlighted how effortlessly a non-student could slip a threat through Jesse’s locker door or tape it to his car.

As usual, we met after 6th period in the far parking lot, and the threats had been on my mind since seeing Kwan’s older sister at school. “Hey, what did your mother say about the notes you’re getting?”

“What?” he asked, looking perplexed. There was just enough ingenuity to what sounded like an innocent question to make me wonder.

“The notes you’ve been getting? Remember, you were going to speak to your mom. What did she say?”

He turned with shrugging shoulders to unlock his jeep, but not before I saw the abashed look on his face.

“You didn’t tell her, did you,” I sighed in exasperation. “Jesse, this is serious and I’m afraid…”

“I talked to her, Shane, honest.” He was looking at me now, even right in the eyes. I remembered reading somewhere that liars couldn’t maintain eye contact. So maybe this was the truth.

“What did she say?”

He shrugged again. “She’s checking into it for me and said she’d let me know.”

I was calculating. It had been eight days since the last note showed up, and if he spoke to his mother right away she had plenty of time to talk to a cop or someone at the school. But Jesse was giving me a look that said he wanted to drop the subject, and I didn’t want to appear as if I didn’t trust him. So I had to let it go.

Wednesday was the deadline for purchasing prom tickets. Jesse had been putting a lot of pressure on me to attend but I was dragging my feet. He almost had me convinced to do the ‘just as friends’ thing. He said he’d take me out for a romantic dinner in some little out-of-the-way spot, giving us less chance of running into a couple from school. Then we could put on the platonic act once we reached the small country club where the dance was held. But at the last minute my fear got the best of me and I walked away from the Finance window, my cash clutched tightly in my sweaty hand.

I met Jesse at my house after class ended, and even though he was smiling, I could see a trace of defeat and sadness beneath it. I was naturally dense and wracking my brain for what could be bothering him. It took me almost an hour… we were in the middle of playing Assassin’s Creed 3… when I stumbled on the reason. Duh! I was the reason! Jesse was going to miss his senior prom and it was my fault. My selfishness and cowardice had held him back from attending a dance that he’d been looking forward to.

I cleared my throat nervously. “Uh, maybe they would let you buy a ticket tomorrow at school. They probably need the money. You could go by yourself if it means that much to you.”

He turned his head and stared at me, dispirited. “Why would I want to do that? It isn’t the event that’s the important thing. It’s the person I go with.” He tried to shake the gloom off and gave me a genuine grin. “It will be okay, Shane. It’s the weekend of our three-month anniversary so I know we’ll spend it together.”

Okay, that statement made me feel even worse. I sat watching him out of the corner of my eye for the longest time, amazed at how understanding he was and feeling like shit. I knew I had really fucked up. Yes, I was probably right about being able to buy tickets past the deadline. I knew it would be easy to convince one of the members of the student council to sell me two. But I was such a chicken-shit asshole.

For all the world I could not make myself buy a ticket. I could not make force myself to show up stag at the prom and pretend to be straight while girls asked me to dance. Making my classmates wonder when I turned every one of them down because the only person I wanted to take in my arms on the dance floor was someone I couldn’t be seen in public with. I would worry how a classmate might somehow link me to Jesse for my father to learn about later.

I pulled Jesse to his feet and we went into my bedroom. I felt lousy, like I was the worst boyfriend in the world. My way of fixing it was sex, something I was accomplished at, where I could help Jesse feel good physically and let the emotional side catch up later. Even if it didn’t resolve the issue, it helped.

Jesse passively let me undress him. As I worked his shirt up his torso my tongue followed, swirling around his navel and licking and kissing the firm, lean muscles in his abdomen. With his satiny skin and enticing scent that I never tired of, he was a banquet for my mouth to sample. My hands massaged his solid shoulders and long, golden back, distracting him temporarily before I zeroed in on his nipples. They were tasty, so taut and bumpy under the flat of my tongue, and he moaned, burying his fingers in my hair.

Lifting the shirt above his head, I trapped his hands in the cotton and went to work on his pits. He only had a cute tiny patch of wispy black hair in each but I bit and sucked one side, then the other, until they were soaked with my saliva and he was squirming and wheezing. My mouth moved to his shoulder, then across the collar bones to the other and took a detour to mark the hollow of his throat. His groans and shivers just tempted me further, and I ended with a trail of kisses down his torso to the top of his jeans.

I knelt once more to unfasten them. “Tell me what you want, Baby,” I breathed, making quick work of the button and stroking his hard length with the heel of my hand. I could feel his heat through the denim.

“Shane, I… I want…”

I looked up into his flushed face. His black hair clung damply to his cheeks and his latte eyes were shadowed with desire. “You want…” I repeated. He swayed, and I grabbed his hip to steady him.

“Your mouth… on… on me,” he begged.

“See, that wasn’t so hard,” I teased. “But this is.” I gently squeezed his lovely dick trying to force its way out the fly and his moan was like music to me.

I slid the zipper down and worked my hands inside the waistband, hooking the edge of his bikini briefs with my thumbs. Carefully I lowered them both so his cock wouldn’t get caught in the fabric, and he whimpered when they slid over his balls. I feasted my eyes on his straight, tawny cock, and the bell-shaped head glistened dusky-red in the dim light. Soon his jeans were pooled around his ankles.

I licked my lips and leaned forwards. Kissing the head of his dick, I slid my lips down to lock around the corona, washing the head with my tongue and sucking precum from the slit. “Fuck,” Jesse gasped, tottering on his unsteady legs.

I pulled my mouth off his cock with a wet pop and stared up at him. “This is mine, Jesse.” I licked the head, and more precum welled up for me to taste. “All mine, just like the rest of you.”

“Yours,” he panted with a decisive nod. “I promise… yours. Now will you get on with it? Please?”

I couldn’t help laughing. “Ooh, you sound so pretty when you say please. I like that.”

I swirled around the head again to make sure I got all of his salty precum and then trailed my tongue down the shaft to his nuts so I could suck on them. They felt solid in my mouth, rolling around in the soft, nearly hairless sac. Jesse was trembling against me, making little mewling sounds to show that he was really enjoying this and I hadn’t even taken most of his six inches into my mouth yet.

Jesse seemed to be plenty conscious of this fact. “Oh god, Shane, please suck my dick. I need to cum in your mouth.”

I hadn’t been aware he was that close and I lovingly kissed the twin orbs before raising to slurp his shaft between my lips. Bobbing up and down on him, it was only a matter of seconds until I felt his cock thicken and his cum began to shoot across my tongue. Delicious, just like the rest of him. It took several swallows to drink it all down, all the while keeping an arm around his thighs so he wouldn’t fall over. I didn’t care that his sweat was soaking into my shirt or that he was squeezing my head like a vice, all that mattered was his pleasure.

I gazed up at him, his eyes closed and his heartbeat a gallop on the side of his throat. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. That was real good.”

I was pensive holding Jesse close afterwards. I had stripped down and we were on my bed. He offered to give me a blowjob but I declined because this afternoon was for him. Matching my breathing to his I was trying to relax both of us but it wasn’t working.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, pushing his hair off his forehead. “I’m such a coward, and you deserve so much better than me. I stress you out, and I don’t give you what you need.”

“No, Shane, that’s not true,” he protested. “The prom thing was… well, I understand how careful you have to be with your dad. And you’re right; if somebody at school talked he might find out about me and it would ruin everything.”

I tried to cut in and tell him that he shouldn’t have to make allowances, but he drew a finger over my lips to silence me. “I know it’s just for a little while longer,” he urged, “until we start college and both of us are working. Then we can find a place of our own and we won’t care who knows I’m your boyfriend. I can wait.”

Tears came to my eyes, and I pulled Jesse in tighter. It was hard to put into words how important he was to me. The sneaking around and how we weren’t free to be ourselves with the outside world was getting to me but I didn’t know any other way.

“We’ll get through it, Shane,” he said soothingly. “Don’t worry. I know we’ll be fine.”


With the knowledge of what Jesse had given up for me, I was determined to make the anniversary of our third month special. Maybe not special like sailing on the ocean in April or attending prom, but there were a few ideas I could come up with that didn’t even cost money.

First, I was getting desperate to spend a whole night with my lover. Second, I wanted to give myself to Jesse.

I have only bottomed once in my life and that was three years ago. It was a horrible experience, and I won’t go into the reasons why, but it put me off to decide I never wanted to try it again. But for Jesse I would if he was willing, and I was pretty sure he would be. He’d thrown out hints like, “you should feel this” often enough to make me think he wanted to switch at least once.

In my head I could see a glorious dream. My father at Jillian’s overnight, and Jesse and me with free run of the house, allowed to sleep together at last. Cuddled up in my bed and giving us a foretaste of what living together would be like. Just a hint of a promise of our future.

Jesse was delighted when I suggested he ask his mother if he could come over. He never told her he wasn’t attending the dance, and now it made a good excuse to dress up, seeing as how I was taking him out on the town for our own private evening. In fact, since the prom was nearly an all-night affair, his mom readily gave him permission to stay with me. He had some questions over how we’d hide his presence if my dad decided to stay home that night, but I told him to stop worrying and let us cross that bridge only if necessary.

I took the day off from work so I could get ready. Not that I needed to primp like a girl, but when you have thick hair down your back it takes a while to dry. This was going to be a special evening. When I picked Jesse up at 5:30 I was wearing a black suit over a blue shirt and darker tie, monkey attire that I hated… until now.

My mother bought it for me last summer when one of Whit’s nieces got married in some mondo-bucks wedding that was in the high-society pages of the Orange County Register. My mother and step-dad had insisted on me dressing up so I would match the rest of the family in the photographs. Mom used one as a cover in the Christmas card she liked to send to all the friends and relatives boasting about her perfect life.

I could just imagine what was going in her annual holiday letter this year. ‘My son is bisexual.’ Not!

Jesse was similarly dressed, only his suit was gray and his shirt and tie were black. His mother thought we made a cute pair—don’t question whether she was sensing our dating status or not because I wasn’t about to ask—and insisted on taking our picture together. We smiled brightly, careful not to stand too close, and kept cracking each other up so that it took ten minutes just for her to snap one decent photo. We left right away.

“Awkward,” Jesse giggled, blushing crimson. He turned around to stare out the back window as if he expected to be followed. “I wonder if she suspects.”

I shrugged. “If so, she seemed cool with it so stop worrying.”

I drove him to southern Santa Barbara, and we had a nice dinner at the Charter Grill, a steakhouse that Uncle Carl recommended. I went full out with an appetizer before he ordered prime rib and I decided on shrimp. Jesse had been acting a bit depressed when we first arrived, but by the time our main course was served he was smiling in contentment. This was our prom. Maybe not out with our classmates in some drafty country club with cutesy decorations, but a better date where we didn’t have to pretend we were just friends.

Returning to my house, I had a bottle of pilfered champagne chilling in a pitcher full of ice that I’d stashed in my closet. I’d programmed a playlist of slow tunes into my iPod and rearranged my bedroom furniture so that there was a large open space in the middle of the floor.

“May I have this dance,” I asked all formal-like, barely keeping a smile off my face.

“You’re… just silly,” Jesse grinned, but he gamely stood up and took my hand.

Past experience with formal dances has taught me that it’s a great way to get into a girl’s pants… uh, dress. I have taken former girlfriends to Homecoming and the prom. But holding Jesse in my arms and leading him in a slow dance with his chin tucked into my shoulder was bliss. Just amazing. He felt so right there, like our bodies were made to fit together. We didn’t grind or do anything to make it sexual, we simply danced, and that hour was one of the most endearing memories of the night, so right and so innocent.

I had previously purchased two cupcakes from a bakery near my house, and in fun I smeared white frosting on Jesse’s nose, leading him to retaliate and stripe my cheek with a finger-full. We drank champagne out of cheap plastic cups, and he laughed at the bubbles tickling his nose. Then he tackled me. We laughed until we cried.

It was nine, and there was no sign of my dad which was exactly what I expected. All night! I was getting all night with my lover, in a way that would last far beyond any photograph taken of us.

We were kissing in the dark, naked, the music turned down low and our clothes carefully folded and set aside. “Jesse,” I whispered into his ear. “Would you make love to me?”

I felt him stiffen, and he gasped. “I… I don’t know how.” For all his prior comments, he seemed really worried.

“That’s alright. I’ll talk you through it. You just have to get me nice and loose and use a lot of lube.”

Jesse bit his lip nervously. Enchanting. Finally he gave a tiny smile and nodded.

I straightened out on the bed and Jesse climbed over my body to straddle me. With a few quick passes of his lips, we indulged in a deep kiss that tasted of sugar and wine as his tongue entwined with mine and took my breath away. Soon he was dragging his mouth down my jaw to my neck where he nibbled a love bite and from there down to my nipples that hardened into pebbles under his insistent chewing.

Every time he bent over his hair fell into his eyes making him look so cute. Every move he made over my body smeared trails of luminescent precum from his thin, beautiful cock on my abs or hip. Little licks and kisses made me arch my back as goose bumps broke out across my torso, and I could feel my erection growing between my legs. Trapped under his butt, I began to thrust, and he pinched one nipple hard.

“Stop that,” he ordered. “Lie still.” I groaned but obeyed.

Farther down, he slid to sit on my thighs, running his fingers across the head of my dick and making me nearly come upright as a bolt of electricity sizzled up my spine. “God, Jesse, stop teasing,” I snorted, but he refused to listen. He ran his fingers around my abdomen and thighs, following with his mouth, sucking, kissing and licking me. Most of the touches were light on my throbbing cock or across my scrotum and too feathery to do more than set me panting and straining for more.

When he finally had me a dripping, moaning mess and I thought I was going to explode, I heard the words I had been longing for: “Turn over.”

I got in position on my knees over a towel, head down and ass in the air, offering myself to him wantonly. “Shit, what a slut you are,” he laughed. “Just a little anxious, eh?”

His correct assessment of me didn’t hurt my feelings and I laughed. “For you, I’ll be anything you want.”

I heard a loving catch in his voice when he said, “Tell me what to do.”

“Lube and condoms are in the nightstand drawer,” I instructed hoarsely. “Use lots of lube. If it seems like too much, it’s the right amount.”

I tried to relax, but all I could think of was my last ill-fated attempt at bottoming. I knew Jesse was different in that he loved me, and the last was just teenage experimentation, but still. I hissed between my teeth when I felt the cold lube trickle down between the globes of my ass and his finger wiggling ever so slightly against my pucker trying to fight its way in.

“You’re clenching,” Jesse complained. “I may not have any experience, but even I know you need to relax.” Reaching under me, he grasped my flagging cock with his other hand and began to pump it. It was enough to get me thinking about the sensations his stroking fingers were causing up and down my filling flesh instead of what that one digit was trying to invade, and he was able to slip it inside.

It burned. I bit my lip to keep from shouting out curses, knowing that Jesse would take it personally and stop. So I willed myself to stay quiet and let his finger saw in and out of me, and slowly my sphincter got used to the fullness. As the pain diminished, I calmed down, knowing it was under control and Jesse wouldn’t hurt me.

“This is fantastic,” Jesse exclaimed in awe, leaning his head against my hip. “You are so hot up inside, and it feels really soft, like silk or suede. Are you ready for more?”

“Alright, try a second one,” I told him. Cool lube to the anus, a thicker intrusion but slightly less pain. I had Jesse scissor his fingers to open me up and I prepared for the third and final one.

He got his fingers up inside my ass without any trouble, and I was getting used to the odd feeling of being stretched when his twisting fingers brushed something there and I lit up like a candle.

“What did you do?” I gasped before realizing that he’d found my prostate. I never knew it made so much difference. “Oh my god, Jesse, do that again.”

“Hmm, like that, do you?” Jesse laughed at my reactions but he turned his fingers around, searching inside me again. He began to stroke the hot spot, and my cock fired up firm and twitching as it began to leak a puddle of precum into the looped cotton beneath me. I could almost feel sparks inside me, like a chain being dragged behind a car, and my hips began to thrust in the air seeking a solid contact to hump against.

“In me,” I begged Jesse. “In me… in me now.”

It seemed like Jesse was taking forever to tear the cover off a condom, unroll it up his own rigid member and wrap his lubed fingers around himself to slick up. “Oh god, I don’t know if I can make this last,” he groaned.

“I know,” I panted. “It might be the shortest fuck in history.”

I had him line up behind me, and I felt the tip of his penis at my portal. I knew I was loose enough that the breaching wasn’t going to be painful, so when he entered me I didn’t tense up. It was still a shock; even though his dick was narrower at the end of his shaft, it was bigger than the breadth of his fingers, and Jesse waited for my signal.

“Okay,” I breathed a few minutes later. “I’m okay as long as you move slowly.”

I whimpered when Jesse began corkscrewing his hips and seeking out my depths. Not because it hurt, but because it felt so damned good. What arced through me was knowing that it was Jesse on the other end of his penis. This was my man inside making love to me. I trusted him, he trusted me and he would take care of me. It was as simple as that, the most elemental part of being in love.

He pushed in very slowly, parts of inches at a time. “You are a tight fit,” he husked. “It feels so good, and I honestly don’t have any way to describe it.” I knew what he was speaking of, so he didn’t need to explain.

He kept rocking forward, using my shoulder and hip for leverage, sheathing more of himself inside my hole with every pass. Finally, he was fully seated, and I could feel his pubic hair brushing my ass.

“Oh fuck,” I moaned, almost overwhelmed.

Jesse was breathing harshly along with me. Shallow strokes of exploration turned into longer, deeper thrusts, and he nudged my knees a little farther apart so he could cradle my thighs better. At that point the physical sensation took over and became very intense when his cock scraped my prostate.

“Jesse… oh Baby… oh, yes… yes, harder.”

He gave me harder. Jesse began to pound into me with everything he had, his hips snapping into me like a jackhammer. Every single thrust rubbed on those sensitive nerve endings, and I began to feel the tightening in my muscles and prickles racing through me. Jesse leaned over my back to wrap his hand around my cock, sliding it up and down for all he was worth as he kissed my shoulders. Sweat was dripping from my hair, off my nose and down my arms, and I could hear him panting like he’d run a marathon. Or maybe that was me.

“Shane, oh my god, I’m cumming.”

I felt a quick pulse and then the warmth as he shot into the condom. It was all too much and every synapse seemed to fire at the same time in an orgasm I felt in my toes. My hole clamped around his dick, milking him of everything he had.

“Fuck, Jesse, fuck.” I was screaming as I unloaded cum in long strings on the towel.

I collapsed underneath Jesse, and he caught himself on his elbow as he fell with me, concerned over making me take the brunt of his full weight. We continued to breathe hard until we came down from the heavens because that was where I ended up.

Jesse sent me into paradise.


I slept in the happiest of all possible places that night curled up around Jesse. We woke up twice; I made love to him the first time, and he reciprocated back just before dawn. We were tired but sated, and after the last I held him while he slept, pressing gentle kisses into his hair. If this was what living with him was going to be like, I couldn’t wait to graduate and start making more money so we could find an apartment together.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to spend the day in bed with him. My job was calling me, and I had to be at the marina by seven. Carl was taking a group of divers out to Santa Cruz, one of the Channel Islands, instead of fishing. At least I didn’t have to run to the fish market at dawn to buy bait. We got up and showered, I made a quick breakfast and drove Jesse home.

We spent Monday afternoon, the date of our real anniversary, making love at my house. The genie was out of the bottle now, and I discovered that with Jesse it didn’t matter what position I played, it was magic.

We were lying in bed, and Jesse was running his fingers through my long hair. “You know, Mom has been giving me funny looks since Saturday night when you picked me up. I think she knows I’m gay so I’ve been thinking about telling her… also letting her know that you’re my boyfriend.”

“What about your grandfather?” I asked, whisking a drop of sweat off his chest. “Aren’t you afraid of him finding out?”

Jesse shrugged. “I can’t keep it a secret forever. If Mom knows, maybe she can help prepare him. I feel I need to tell her before someone else does. That wouldn’t be cool.”

Yeah, I could second that, given my own circumstances. I admired his bravery and told him so. I would give anything for that kind of courage and the ability to tell my parents to go to hell. But I still had to rely on my father for support, at least for the time being.

It was late May, and it seemed as if all of a sudden the senior class of Calberia High woke up and realized that the end of school was right around the corner. Our commencement exercises were scheduled for the evening of June 14, another anniversary for Jesse and me.

According to him, following the ceremony the seniors always went to Disneyland for Grad Nite. Having grown up around The Magic Kingdom, I knew exactly what it was; an hours-long event with hired bands and dancing and admission to all the attractions just for graduates.

We planned to attend together, and the idea of going to Disneyland with Jesse excited me, seeing as how, with thousands of eighteen year olds running around the theme park, the chances were unlikely we’d run into coeds from our own school. We’d be fine as long as we didn't call attention to ourselves which wouldn’t be the smartest option in such a public place anyway.

The last Tuesday of the month and we had just returned from Memorial Day weekend. I got delayed by my 4th period Physics teacher asking about an assignment that wasn’t in his grade book, and I had to fish it out of my binder to prove that not only had I turned it in but received an ‘A’ on it. I hurried to the quad, now ten minutes late for lunch, to find Jesse.

I found him alright from the sounds of shouts coming from the far corner where we always sat with his drama and dance friends. Weaving my way through the gathered crowd I saw Mark Butler and his usual posse pressed in close around him trying to start trouble. Jesse was anxious to avoid it but had nowhere to go. Apparently, Mark thought he could take advantage of my absence, and Jesse’s back was against a lunch table. He glanced up at me just as I took my place behind Mark.

“Where’s your bodyguard, fag?” Mark mocked nastily and his eyes glared in hatred, spoiling for a fight. One of the bullies closest to Jesse gave him a hard shove knocking him sideways, and I saw red.

“Here, fucktards,” I said quietly. Mark jumped in surprise before spinning around to confront me.

“Oh, it’s the other fag,” he jeered, balling up his fist and attempting to slug me. I dodged.

“Instead of being your usual asshole self,” I growled, ignoring both the slur and the blow. “Why don’t you and the rest of your little girls run along.”

Mark put his head down as if he was going to head-butt me, and that’s when Mr. Peabody, the principal, shoved his way through the crowd. “Mark Butler,” he called out, “I want you in my office. Now.” He stared at Mark’s friends menacingly. “And unless you want to be suspended too, I suggest you get back to eating lunch.”

I walked up to Jesse who had, with his usual aplomb, sat down as if nothing had happened. On the other hand, I was trying to behave normally but wondered if Mark’s taunts were simply words to throw out in anger or if I had inadvertently given my relationship with Jesse away. However, nobody else seemed to be paying us much attention so I let it go.

I also thought about the possibility that Mark might be Jesse’s stalker and suddenly realized that he hadn’t received a threatening letter since we returned from school after spring break. He said he was going to speak to his mother, and even though he hadn’t brought it up once since then maybe she had found a way to finally stop them.

I guess I was sitting there with my mouth open because Jesse leaned over and softly said, “You’re drawing flies, Blondie.”

I smiled at him, anxious to share my insight because maybe he hadn’t noticed either. “Jesse, the notes, they’ve stopped, haven’t they.”

He turned bright red, a quick blaze of guilt dashing across his face, and I instantaneously knew that any denial he spoke would be a lie. “Jesse,” I hissed. “Have you been keeping them a secret from me?”

Without a word, he got up from the table and I followed. He led me to his locker, now falling all over himself to explain the how and why of his shame that this stalker, this homophobic jerk, kept picking on him and wouldn’t relent. I had never seen him so rattled.

He opened the zip-lock bag in his locker and hesitantly drew out the top two pieces of paper. I scanned them quickly. The first said, ‘R U watching Ur back, Jesse?’ The second was even more ominous: ‘I can get U N-E time I want.’ I leveled an angry scowl at my boyfriend.

“You always freak out so badly,” he admonished me in that deep voice of his that now sounded defensive. “I know you’re worried about me, but…”

“When was the last one?” I interrupted tersely. I was tired of the justifications and the way he insisted on hiding his head in the sand.

He took the notes from me and flipped them over. In small letters he had written dates in the upper corner, and the latest said May 7. That was over three weeks ago which was unusual because he’d been getting them every week to ten days since January.

“I keep thinking that once school ends, so will the warnings,” he all but pleaded. His eyes were bright with anxiety, mostly because he hated upsetting me. “That’s less than three weeks. Then maybe it will be over.”

Maybe, I thought. I hoped. On the other hand…

“Jesse,” I asked, trying to keep my voice flat so he wouldn’t see how upset I was. “Why do you suppose you’re only getting the warnings here at school?”

“The guy is a student,” he proposed defiantly.

“It’s possible,” I agreed, wishing it were that easy. “But even you have to acknowledge how easy it is to get on campus without challenge. No one has to check in at the office. No one patrols the parking lot. You are here every single weekday without fail so he knows any letter he leaves in your locker or on the Jeep you will eventually find.”

He made a face as if he thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. “That still doesn’t mean it isn’t a student. I swear, it has to be someone playing a prank on me and after we graduate, it will stop. I haven’t even gotten any notes for almost four weeks so stop worrying about me.”

I really wanted him to be right, especially now that the stalker seemed to be backing off. My choice was still to take the safe road and report what was going on. If it turned out I was wrong and the notes were part of a hoax, then I would gladly apologize and let Jesse tease me into tomorrow. I shuddered to think of the consequences if I was right. I still couldn’t get over the way he’d hidden the latest of the threats from me.

“So what did your mom say?” I asked, veering on to another tack. “About the notes. Did she talk to anyone?”

“I don’t know.” His voice was abrupt and I could tell he was getting annoyed with me. “I haven’t asked her lately. I just wish you would stop getting on my case about it. This is you so overreacting.”

My head was starting to ache and I knew it was due to stress. I also realized I was seconds away from losing my temper. Jesse’s naïve, simple-minded posturing and stubbornness grated on my nerves. But until he was willing to believe he was in danger and let an adult handle the situation instead of playing big know-it-all hero, there was little I could do. Not without taking the decision away from him, thereby crossing some serious boundaries. He would claim I was being melodramatic and use it as an excuse to deflect the problem. Again.

“I could be,” I continued, fighting my irritation, “but better to be safe than sorry. Since none of the staff knows anything about your mystery stalker you have fucked up every chance you had of catching him. I don’t want you to get hurt. I am scared that soon written threats won’t be enough, and you keep blowing me off like it’s nothing. Maybe if you had told someone else or trusted my advice, he might be in custody by now and this would be over.”

“Stop treating me like a child,” he grit out. “I need to do this my way.”

“Your way,” I sneered, “is going to get you hurt.”

I turned on my heel and stomped off towards the quad to finish lunch. Jesse followed a few minutes later, and I stood up and left the table. His hang-dog expression continued through 5th period, but I tried to pretend not to see how sad he was, and when school ended I ran for my car and left immediately.

I went home annoyed at both of us. Him for sweeping the stalking issue under the rug and me for lashing out at him and expecting him to know what to do. I guess that most of all I was frightened. I loved Jesse, and the possibility that somebody out there might want to harm him drove me crazy. This was our first argument, one I had started where loving understanding might have been a better option, and I felt like shit.

So what did I do? I forgave him. He called me that night, his voice thick with tears. Hearing the despair I began to cry along with him.

“Shane, please, Blondie, just listen. I promise you if I get another note, just one more, I’ll go to the authorities. Somebody at school or the police, okay? But please, please don’t give up on me. I love you.”

I loved him too. More than that, I needed him, and I couldn’t bear to be the cause of his misery. I took Jesse at his word and hoped it would all work out like he expected.


Calberia High put on an end-of-the-year fine arts presentation, called just that, the Fine Arts Presentation, nicknamed the FAP. Choirs sang, the drama department staged short one-act plays and the dance students choreographed class and individual numbers to highlight the accomplishments of the year. Truthfully, the show was the seniors’ last hurrah, and they were the focus.

Jesse, as both a drama and dance student was heavily involved. He exhorted me to attend the FAP on June 4, a Monday night, and I agreed if for no other reason than he wouldn’t shut up about it. No, really I was quite proud of him and wanted to see him perform. He refused to tell me why it was so important, but I had a feeling he was preparing something special. Arrive early, he said.

I did, and a girl from my English class, Raven who sat behind me, was outside the auditorium, one of those in charge of admission. When she saw me she called me over merrily and handed me my ticket.

“You’re on the VIP seating list so this is all bought and paid for,” she enthused with a smirk. “It’s in the front row too. Do you have a secret girlfriend in the show you’ve been hiding from us?”

“Yeah, uh-huh,” I answered awkwardly, making my way quickly to the door to get away from her.

The show began half an hour later, just after I watched Jesse’s mother take her VIP seat on the other end of the row along with a younger woman who looked like Jesse and a tall, straight gentleman in his sixties with shining gray hair and light brown eyes. They could only be Jesse’s sister and grandfather. Sandra looked over at me and waved, and the other two followed her gaze to stare at me. It made me uncomfortable.

So, you know how these kinds of events transpire. Some of the songs were off-key, but one of the soloists, a very skinny brunette girl with braces, had this incredible voice that I expected to hear professionally within a matter of months, like she was headed for American Idol or The Voice. A few lines were dropped in the drama presentations, but Jesse awed me, naturally, with his talent. He was such a convincing actor I couldn’t determine why he didn’t think he had a future in movies or on the stage.

Jesse was listed as a solo dancer for the second-to-last number of the night. According to the written program, he was performing to Michael Bublé’s I’m Your Man, which was a cover of an old Leonard Cohen song. He appeared on stage in a black tuxedo complete with top hat and cane, and most of the crowd broke out into cheers and wolf whistles.

The music began and he was gliding and slow-stepping around the stage, lip-syncing the song’s lyrics. His eyes found me in the spectators and rarely left my face unless he had to make a turn, and within half a minute it was clear to me that he was singing the song in my honor.

If you want a boxer I will step into the ring for you. And if you want a doctor I'll examine every inch of you. If you want a driver climb inside, or if you want to take me for a ride, you know you can ‘cause I'm your man.

Sitting wide-eyed on the edge of my seat, I gulped at the loving glow in his beautiful pale eyes that stared directly at me. At first I was a little unnerved by his focus, but there was such devotion in his face, I let myself relax and stopped worrying about what I had to lose. Yeah, for those paying close attention he was announcing his feelings for the world to see and outing me in front of the student body. The funny thing was, it didn’t even upset me that much. All I could hear, all I could see was his love for me.

Ah, the moon’s too bright, the chain’s too tight, the beast won't go to sleep. I've been running through these promises to you that I made and I could not keep. Ah, but a man never got a lover back, not by begging on his knees. Or I'd crawl to you baby and I'd fall at your feet.

I was dimly aware of a few students around me gaping at Jesse, watching the visual connection between the two of us and grinning in sudden awareness. Like our whole secret might be going up in flames in front of them, but for now all I felt was pride in him, my beautiful music man. There would be fallout to deal with and minimize tomorrow, but I was caught up in the moment. Come what may, the here and now was far too remarkable not to get lost in.

Jesse was mine. Always and forever mine, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, just like the wedding vows said. Not a possession or an object to love, but a living, breathing everlasting embodiment of a dream. For us to share our feelings with, to strive to be better men for. I would do anything for him. Anything.

“I love you,” I mouthed under my breath at the end of the song, and he grinned so I know he saw me.

“I love you too,” he mouthed just before he disappeared into the wings to raucous cheering and clapping.


Readers, you have a choice where to go from this point on. I wrote two endings. The first in Chapter 5 is not Happy Ever After. The second one is.

To Chapter 5…

To Chapter 6…


  1. Just wow those two have come along way. Plans for the future has bin decided. Jessie and Shane have even had a small fight. I like the two there love seems real; I just hope that the stalker has subsided.

    Casey (

  2. Ah I cant believe you're gonna leave us on this until next post. I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall from Jesse's performance, but I really hope it doesn't.